Funny Police Stuff
Police Humor, Jokes and Funny Stories:
How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs? None. He fell.
"No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
Reasons why you shouldn't be a cop:
You need at least 8 hours of sleep every night.
Sirens give you a headache.
You can't drive really fast, check a license plate on your in-car computer, talk on the radio, and drink coffee, all at the same time.
When you see trouble brewing, your first reaction is to call 911.
When you get nervous, you have to pee, so you secretly wear adult diapers, just in case it's going to be a busy night.
You're being called for back-up, but you don't go because it's too dangerous.
At the scene of a riot, you refuse to get out of the car until the crowd thins out.
A woman gives birth in the street and you give her a ticket for littering.
You think frisking people and giving "mouth to mouth" to someone of your own gender is politically incorrect.
You're a bleeder and you faint at the sight of a paper cut.
Man Arrested For Stealing Scratch Off Tickets
A Winter Haven man was arrested after authorities say he took a winning scratch-off ticket back to the store he had stolen it from a day earlier.
This Badge Can Save Your Life! - Concealed Weapon Permit Badge
Did you know four million USA citizens carry concealed gun permits?
Over 1,076,897 police officers carry handguns!
DON'T BECOME A VICTIM OF "FRIENDLY FIRE" IDENTIFY YOURSELF!
An absolute must for any person that carries a concealed weapon.
Man Arrested For "Thinking Of A Cheeseburger"
A homeless Gastonia man who allegedly hoisted a sign reading, "I'm thinking of a cheeseburger," near an interstate off-ramp was charged with violating the city begging ordinance.
German Police Summoned Over Forgotten Vibrator
A woman in Germany phoned police after hearing "suspicious noises" in her flat, but much to her embarrassment officers found the source was a vibrator, authorities said Friday.
Naked Burglar Makes Himself At Home In Columbia County
A man found naked in a home in Columbia County apparently helped himself to food, watched television and took a shower in a home he didn't own Friday night.
Newton Police: Woman Rips Off Dunkin Donuts Coffee
A West Roxbury woman stole several bags of ground coffee from a Beacon Street Dunkin' Donuts earlier this week, and then drove away as an officer investigated the theft.
Men Fight Over Parking Spot At McDonald's
A long-running argument over a favorite McDonald's parking spot has resulted in an assault conviction for a Loveland man.
FHP: Driver Lacked Razor-Sharp Focus
As authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers add a new caution: Don't try to shave your privates, either.
Locked Door Foils Would-Be Bank Robber
A would-be bank robber apparently didn't case his intended target well enough Friday morning to know it was a drive-through-only bank.
Bogus Pilot Arrested Just Before Take Off
A Swedish man without a valid pilot's licence has been arrested at Amsterdam as he was about to fly a jet with 101 passengers to Turkey.
Baby Starved as Couple Nurtured Virtual Kid
A South Korean couple addicted to the Internet left their 3-month-old daughter to starve to death while they raised a virtual daughter online during 12-hour bouts at a cyber cafe, police said.
Exclusive: Accuse Hollywood Bling Ring Member Says Peer Pressure Fueled Celebrity Heists
A California man accused of participating in a stunningly brazen string of celebrity burglaries said his motivation for continuing the multi-million dollar heists was simple -- peer pressure.
Police Say Cook Put Body Hair In Cop's Sandwich
Police said a cook put a body hair in the bagel sandwich of a police officer who had given him tickets in the past. The cook was arrested Feb. 21 in the kitchen of Good Foods to Go in Evesham.
Utah Man Determined To Get Arrested Gets His Wish
A man rebuffed in an attempt to get arrested, finally got his wish when he went for an officer's handgun.
"Alicia Butt" Blows A .33, Urinates On Herself
A driver who ran a stop sign and nearly struck another car head-on Monday was charged with DUI and resisting arrest after she gave an officer a false name, according to the Bay County Sheriff's Office.
Fairbanks Man Arrested Again After Trying To Buy 4th Truck With Forged Check
A Fairbanks man is accused of trying to purchase a $28,000 pickup truck with a forged check for the fourth time this year.
Pa. Man Faces Charges For 3 Incidents In 3 Hours
A central Pennsylvania man faces charges for three separate incidents involving police in a span of three hours. Manheim Township police said 49-year-old Mark E. Blaylock was charged with theft of services after allegedly refusing to pay a $69 cab fare around 11 a.m.
Mass. Newlywed Couple Spend 1st Night In Jail
A newlywed Massachusetts couple spent their wedding night in separate jail cells after police said the bride tried to run over an old flame of the groom.
Stopped For Speeding DUI Suspect Backs Into Cop's Car
A 29-year-old Bremerton man backed into the cruiser of the police officer who pulled him over early Sunday, according to Bremerton police reports. He was arrested for DUI.
Officers Arrest Man After I-40 Chase
A man led the state Highway Patrol on a chase on Interstate 40 through much of Wake County this morning, before being stopped and arrested near Airport Boulevard.
Police: Scranton Man Lied About Razor Blade Attack After Shirtless Run Through Woods
A Scranton man who told police three men jumped him and assaulted him with a razor blade Sunday morning actually cut himself by running through the woods shirtless and punching trees, police said.
Man Exercises Free Speech Rights By Giving Cops The Finger
Robert Ekas filed a federal lawsuit to defend what he says is his First Amendment right to express himself by flipping off police officers. "I did it because I have the right to do it," Ekas said. "We all have that right, and we all need to test it. Otherwise we'll lose it."
Student Sorry For Speedo, Panty Hose Invasion
One of seven visiting college students who pranked Kmart this weekend is sorry for parading around the store in costume and upsetting customers, he said Sunday.
Robbers Would Rather Steal Domino's Chicken Wings Than Pizza
It wasn't exactly the crime of the century, but several folks' nights were ruined last week when a pair of armed robbers attacked a Domino's delivery driver and made off with $36 worth of chicken wings.
Thieves Take Jewelry, Leave Child At Phila. Store
A couple of thieves made off with expensive jewelry during a heist on South Street yesterday afternoon, but had a loss police said was priceless.
