Funny Police Stuff
Police Humor, Jokes and Funny Stories:
How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs? None. He fell.
"No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
Reasons why you shouldn't be a cop:
You need at least 8 hours of sleep every night.
Sirens give you a headache.
You can't drive really fast, check a license plate on your in-car computer, talk on the radio, and drink coffee, all at the same time.
When you see trouble brewing, your first reaction is to call 911.
When you get nervous, you have to pee, so you secretly wear adult diapers, just in case it's going to be a busy night.
You're being called for back-up, but you don't go because it's too dangerous.
At the scene of a riot, you refuse to get out of the car until the crowd thins out.
A woman gives birth in the street and you give her a ticket for littering.
You think frisking people and giving "mouth to mouth" to someone of your own gender is politically incorrect.
You're a bleeder and you faint at the sight of a paper cut.
Police: Teens Mishear Sex Screams, Beat Man
A Connecticut girl overheard her mother's screams during sex and thought she was being assaulted, so the 16-year-old rounded up some friends to attack the woman's companion, police say.
Man Busted: Powder Was Flour For Pork Chops
Calvin Wallace must have some very expensive pork chops.
New Swiss Firefighting Tool: TV Remote Control
It must rank among the easiest fires ever to put out.
Gas Station Robbers Busted After Running Out Of Gas
State police in New York say two Pennsylvania men robbed a gas station and might have gotten away if they had also fueled up.
Photos: Naked Man On US Airways Flight
A US Airways passenger who stripped naked on a flight from Charlotte to Los Angeles caused a diversion in more than one way.
Student Booked In Theft Of Jail Computer
Western Michigan University student William K. Bradley has been sentenced for larceny in a building.
Accused Wa. Woman Says "Dog Ate My Checks"
A woman accused of dipping into her ex-husband's bank account without permission blames her dog. Arlington, Wash., police spokeswoman Kristin Banfield said detectives filed court orders to follow the money trail.
Masked Teens Take Chips, Soda From Pa. Store
Police are searching for three masked teens who burst into a southwestern Pennsylvania convenience store, but were content to steal only several bags of potato chips and bottles of soda.
Accused Burglars Ask Deputy For Ride Home
A couple of accused burglars decided to ask a Volusia County Sheriff's deputy for a ride home at 4 a.m. Monday, according to the sheriff's office.
Expensive Watch Goes Missing In Courthouse Security Checkpoint
Note to thieves: Don't swipe a thousand-dollar watch when you're surrounded by sheriff's deputies and surveillance cameras.
Trapped Man Arrested For Allegedly Damaging Cobb Elevator
Richard Shevlin was freed after being trapped in an elevator at a Cobb County Comfort Inn, but that freedom didn't last for long.
Oregon Man Upset By McDonald's Order Calls 911 Repeatedly
A man upset at the way McDonald's employees handled his order was charged after allegedly calling 911 repeatedly on Friday to report the restaurant had robbed him, authorities said.
Need ID?
Get yourself a fun novelty ID or professional ID card.
Don't Drop Trou On My Lawn
It was a simple request: Don't defecate on my lawn.
Video Shows Police Questioning Woman With Squirrel In Shirt
Police in Warren, Ohio, released video of a woman who was interrogated by officers with a baby squirrel in her shirt.
Car Jacker Removes Pants, Then Is Chased Off
We aren't sure if a carjacker in Kissimmee left his underwear in a car, but he took his pants off there last week.
Man Says He'll Give Teen Back His Canoe for A Case Of Beer
Much to Casey Whittington's pleasure, the case of a missing canoe may soon be coming to a close.
Bank-Robbery Suspect ID'd By Tattoo
A serial bank-robbery suspect was identified with the help of the mother of his children after she recognized his distinctive tattoo - a dark blotch that covered her name at the request of another woman, authorities said.
Twitter Leads Police To Litterbug
When police received a report of someone tossing two bags of trash from a vehicle on Prescott Road Tuesday, they immediately turned to Twitter to try to catch the culprit.
Man Deposits Drugs In Bank Drop
A teller at the drive-through of the South Monroe Street Wachovia Bank received an unusual deposit Wednesday: $200 and a small plastic bag containing marijuana and cocaine.
Arguing Couple Does No Damage With Cheetos
"A local couple arrested on domestic assault charges Sunday had an unusual choice of alleged weaponry - Cheetos.
Kalamazoo Suspect Turns Himself In - Kind Of
A breaking and entering suspect inadvertently turned himself into the police after he committed a crime Wednesday.
Burglar Sneaks Into Gamestop But Leaves Empty-Handed
When it comes to stupid criminals, we've seen it all here at Switched.
Driver From "Planet Alpha Omega" Charged With DUI
A man arrested for drunken driving said he was from another planet and was "getting his binge on."
Cross Dressing Man Arrested At Gym
Police say a California man donning a bustier and watching porn on a computer in an apartment complex gym was arrested after officers found drugs in his backpack.
