Funny Police Stuff
Police Humor, Jokes and Funny Stories:
How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs? None. He fell.
"No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
Reasons why you shouldn't be a cop:
You need at least 8 hours of sleep every night.
Sirens give you a headache.
You can't drive really fast, check a license plate on your in-car computer, talk on the radio, and drink coffee, all at the same time.
When you see trouble brewing, your first reaction is to call 911.
When you get nervous, you have to pee, so you secretly wear adult diapers, just in case it's going to be a busy night.
You're being called for back-up, but you don't go because it's too dangerous.
At the scene of a riot, you refuse to get out of the car until the crowd thins out.
A woman gives birth in the street and you give her a ticket for littering.
You think frisking people and giving "mouth to mouth" to someone of your own gender is politically incorrect.
You're a bleeder and you faint at the sight of a paper cut.
911 Caller: " I Need A Hug And Hot Chocolate"
A Beaverton man called 911 to tell police he needed a towel and a hug Saturday morning, but instead he found himself arrested on criminal trespassing charges.
Man "Didn't Know" Why He Was Naked
An intoxicated man arrested in the nude after a chase on Warm Spring Road Saturday night allegedly told the arresting officer that he "didn't know" why he was naked.
The Charge: Putting Body Hair In Officer's Breakfast Sandwich
A former cook at a Marlton restaurant, accused of placing body hair in a policeman's breakfast sandwich, has been indicted on charges of aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer and drug or food tampering.
Man Hold Intruder At Forkpoint For Police
Police say a man held an intruder at bay with a grilling fork and steak knife until police arrived. But the suspect fled, only to be arrested after he was zapped with a Taser.
Morons Arrested Stuffing Games Down Pants
Four men from New York City have been arrested after going on a video game-stealing rampage along the East Coast of the United States.
Cell Phone Left In Alabama Burglary Leads To Arrest
Police investigating a home burglary in Russellville found a surprising clue - a cell phone that got left behind.
Man's New Mobile Phone Is The One That Was Stolen From Him
The California resident was browsing for a new model on classifieds site Craigslist when he happened upon the strangely familiar handset, according to the sheriff's office.
Police Say Man Leads Hour-Long Chase In Dump Truck
Police said a 37-year-old man driving a dump truck led them on an hour-long chase over roads, rails and yards in the Syracuse area that ended with the suspect being shot.
Porn Watching Trucker Heading To Prison
A truck driver who killed a mother of two because he was watching porn while driving learned his fate today.
You Know, It's Never A Good Idea To "Moon" A State Trooper
A Hillsboro man sure picked the wrong time and place to 'moon' someone.
Bike Stolen During Arrest
Police in California said a teenager's bike was stolen while he was being arrested for allegedly trying to sell a stolen violin.
Would-Be Burglar Gets Stuck In Grease Vent
A would-be burglar who tried to break into a South Carolina restaurant found himself in a tight and a greasy situation.
Police: Man Stole Cab After Leaving Jail
Southington Police said they arrested a man who stole a taxi just five hours after being released from jail.
Police Searching For Rape Suspect Who Fled Without Pants
Philadelphia police are searching for a rape suspect accused of attacking a woman near a subway entrance then fleeing the scene, leaving behind his pants, wallet, and shoes.
Woman Pulled Over By Police Found To Have Trousers Open, Sex Toy In Lap And Watching Porn
The woman was initially stopped by the police in Elmwood Place, close to Cincinnati in Ohio, because her car had illegally tinted windows.
Yard Sale Shopper Clobbers Another With A Cornbread Pan In Sonora
Yard sale etiquette apparently went out the window Friday in Sonora after a 70-year-old man hit another man over the head with a cornbread pan while the two were trying to get access to the sale items.
Wendy's Cook: I Pulled Knife On Co-Worker For Serving Bad Bacon
An employee at a Wendy's in Connecticut has been charged with second-degree assault, first-degree reckless endangerment, threatening and breach of peace after allegedly pulling a knife and threatening to stab a co-worker.
Can You Break A $1 Million?
Not a chance.
Alleged " Brownie Bandit" Nabbed With Bag Of Treats
Police arrested the suspected 'Brownie Bandit,' a man accused of repeatedly breaking into a bakery, stealing freshly baked brownies and leaving behind crumbs and broken windows.
Coke Hidden In Meat Lands Mass. Man In Trouble
A Massachusetts man has been arrested after a kilogram of cocaine hidden inside a hollowed out chunk of bologna was delivered to his home.
Would-Be Purse Snatcher Thwarted By His Own Photobomb
That's certainly the experience of the Myers family, who recently visited Madison, Wisconsin, to attend a wedding.
Deputies: Man Tries To Steal 6 Steaks By Putting Them Down His Shorts
Hernando County Sheriff's deputies say a man tried to steal six steaks, Vaseline and pomegranate juice by stuffing them in his shorts.
Man Arrested For Choking Wife Calls From Jail, Threatens To Kill Her
A suburban man arrested on charges of choking his wife was given one phone call from the Maywood lockup.
Maine Crime Spree Doused By Hot Coffee
Portland police say a man's craving for drugs sparked a one-morning crime spree that included an attempt to steal an ambulance, three armed robberies and attempted theft of a cash register.
Robbers Unwisely Choose "Shop With A Cop" Day For Crime
According to Oregon police, the men were intially deterred by the 'Shop With a Cop' event for school children, in which children were accompanied round the shop by uniformed officers, while canine police units patrolled the store and mounted police officers waited outside.
