Funny Police Stuff
Police Humor, Jokes and Funny Stories:
How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs? None. He fell.
"No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
Reasons why you shouldn't be a cop:
You need at least 8 hours of sleep every night.
Sirens give you a headache.
You can't drive really fast, check a license plate on your in-car computer, talk on the radio, and drink coffee, all at the same time.
When you see trouble brewing, your first reaction is to call 911.
When you get nervous, you have to pee, so you secretly wear adult diapers, just in case it's going to be a busy night.
You're being called for back-up, but you don't go because it's too dangerous.
At the scene of a riot, you refuse to get out of the car until the crowd thins out.
A woman gives birth in the street and you give her a ticket for littering.
You think frisking people and giving "mouth to mouth" to someone of your own gender is politically incorrect.
You're a bleeder and you faint at the sight of a paper cut.
More Police Jokes:
Man With Shorts On Head - Not Covering Face - Tries To Rob Bank
A 43-year-old man was charged Friday with trying to rob First State Bank on Stock Island -- and wearing shorts on his head while doing it.
The Sheriff's Office says Eli Escalera walked into the Maloney Avenue bank at 12:30 p.m. with the shorts on his head -- not covering his face -- and handed a teller a note that said: "Give me what are 20s and 50s." The teller asked, "What do you want?" and Escalera said "never mind" and walked out.
Burglars Caught After They Booked A Taxi As Their Getaway Car - Really
Two bungling burglars were apprehended by local police forces after they booked a taxi as their getaway car.
Toothless Woman Robs Bank For Denture Money
A woman who appeared to not have any teeth in surveillance photos from a western Pennsylvania bank robbery last month has confessed, apologized and told police she planned the heist because she needed the money for dentures.
Facebook Helps Prosecutors Charge Alleged Attempted Burglars
Two people faced burglary charges on Wednesday after a search warrant led investigators to an incriminating Facebook message.
Driver Tries To Move Ambulance Blocking Traffic
A man hopped into a Wilson County ambulance that was blocking his car and tried to move it while paramedics were loading a patient.
Thief Captured On Film By Security Camera He Ended Up Stealing
The brazen man is yet to be identified by police, despite his face being clearly captured as he nabbed the security camera from a hospital in California.
'This guy just propped himself up and dismantled the camera and stole it,' Bakersfield Police Detective Scott Miller told Huffington Post.
Albemarle County Deputy Attacked By Rooster
A deputy with the Albemarle County Sheriff's Office was attacked by a rooster Monday while serving a warrant at a house on Mountain View Drive in the county, according to Sheriff Chip Harding.
Overzealous Pizza Man Gets 6 Months
A Canadian pizza delivery driver evidently determined to be on time who led police on a high-speed chase in Winnipeg, Manitoba, is going to jail for six months.
Prisoner Demands Vacation Time
A 31-year-old woman serving a life sentence in a Swedish prison is demanding vacation time away from the job she has inside the facility.
Zanboni Operator Arrested For Allegedly Driving Drunk At Minnesota Rink
Spectators, hockey players and parents pressed against the ice arena's glass Monday night, watching as a Zamboni driver at the Hayes Arena in Apple Valley, Minn., weaved across the ice erratically and smacked the machine hard against the boards.
Man Charged After Found Asleep In SUV, Urinates In Police Station
After police found him asleep and surrounded by empty beer cans in an SUV that was obstructing traffic, a Chicago man urinated on the police station floor and then entertained himself by singing loudly and playing air piano, prosecutors said.
World's Greatest Dad
Daniel Everett, a 33 year old Clarkston, Michigan man has been arrested in an undercover child sex sting operation that nabbed the suspect while wearing a t-shirt that insists that he's "The World's Greatest Dad".
Man Charged Over YouTube Driving Antics
A P-PLATE driver who posted video of his antics on YouTube faces eight dangerous driving charges and losing his car forever.
Teens Used CNN Computers For Facebook
Atlanta police said they arrested two teenagers accused of breaking into the CNN newsroom and using computers to check their Facebook pages.
Officer Charged With Trying To Buy Cocaine
Federal prosecutors say a 32-year-old Memphis police officer has been charged with trying to buy cocaine while in uniform and driving his patrol car.
Thief Smashes Window Of Unlocked Car, Steals Woman's Teeth
Bridgeville police said they are searching for the person responsible for a series of car break-ins.
US Detains And Deports Two Morons Over Dumb "Destroy America" Tweets
In a fun convergence of dumb social media behavior and bureaucratic ineptitude, two idiotic Brits were detained by armed guards at Los Angeles International Airport for incredibly dumb (but totally harmless) tweets about "destroying America" and "diggin' up Marilyn Monroe."
Armed Robber Shoots Himself In Foot During Bank Raid
One particularly hapless robber in Brazil literally shot himself in the foot during a bank raid in the town of Parana, making the officer's job much easier.
CCTV footage captured at the scene shows the man keeping lookout with two guns while his cronies get their hands on the cash.
Pasco Inmate Comes Home From Jail To Find Burglar
At first, on Wednesday, she helped herself to some craft supplies. And a knife. A purse. One hundred CDs.
NY Inmate Guilty Of Seeking $890M In Tax Refunds
A jury has convicted a New York prison inmate of falsely filing tax returns seeking $890 million in refunds.
Jury Duty Doesn't Sit Right With Some People
Some people avoid jury duty the way Superman avoids kryptonite -- and they'll do anything to get out of it.
Ghosts-Yes, Ghosts - Lead To Conviction
Anthony Spicer had a novel explanation for why he was in an abandoned school that also had its copper pipes cut ghosts.
Wyoming 19-Year-Old Fined $200 for Doughnut Theft
A 19-year-old college student accused of swiping a doughnut in Wyoming is going to be paying a pretty penny for that pastry.
Vehicle Search Turns Up Potted Marijuana Plant In Trunk
A vehicle stopped for "suspicious activity" Jan. 16 led to the driver being charged with marijuana possession, according to his Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office arrest report.
The 18-year-old Fort Walton Beach man had a small amount of marijuana in an empty Marlboro cigarette pack.
Further search of his vehicle revealed a flower pot containing a suspected marijuana plant in his trunk.
The driver admitted that the plant was marijuana and that he had planted it himself.
Tax Mascot Chases Suspects
Isaac Underwood may not know how to deal with complicated tax issues, but he does know a thing or two about trying to right an injustice.
