Funny Police Stuff
Police Humor, Jokes and Funny Stories:
How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs? None. He fell.
"No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
Reasons why you shouldn't be a cop:
You need at least 8 hours of sleep every night.
Sirens give you a headache.
You can't drive really fast, check a license plate on your in-car computer, talk on the radio, and drink coffee, all at the same time.
When you see trouble brewing, your first reaction is to call 911.
When you get nervous, you have to pee, so you secretly wear adult diapers, just in case it's going to be a busy night.
You're being called for back-up, but you don't go because it's too dangerous.
At the scene of a riot, you refuse to get out of the car until the crowd thins out.
A woman gives birth in the street and you give her a ticket for littering.
You think frisking people and giving "mouth to mouth" to someone of your own gender is politically incorrect.
You're a bleeder and you faint at the sight of a paper cut.
Thief Hides Out In Police Station In Badly-Thought Out Plan
Unfortunately for a man suspected of stealing a bottle of Schnapps from a Wyoming grocery store, he clearly missed the 'planning your escape route' class in criminal school.
It's A Dirty Job, But Someone Had To Do It
Police obtained search warrants for the bowel movements of a suspected drug dealer in Weymouth on Monday after he allegedly swallowed 20 bags of heroin and cocaine.
Prostitute Spotted On Google Street View
Working girl... Just hanging out on the corner!
It's Hasta La Pasta For The Marijuana Meatballs Cop
A state appeals court has upheld the NYPD's firing of a veteran detective who blamed a failed drug test on his wife spiking his meatballs with pot.
Man Stuffed 75 Bottles Of Lotion In Pants
Police say a Massachusetts man who allegedly stuffed 75 bottles of body lotion in his pants couldn't make a smooth getaway, hampered by slacks that were nearly bursting at the seams.
NY Driver Used Mannequin In Car Pool Lane
The tip-off was the sunglasses. A New Yorker faces a $135 traffic fine for using a mannequin as her "plus one" in the high-occupancy vehicle lane of the Long Island Expressway.
Sex Offender Social Media Site Gets Attention In The News
The site has implemented a blog-style format, allowing citizens to create topics for the purpose of sharing information about sex offenders. The site is updated daily with informative articles and links to state and county sex offender registries, sheriff's offices and news of sex crimes and related prosecution from around the world.
Fiddler Patron Busted For Kissing Sniffer Dog
A patron at the Mean Fiddler Hotel in Rouse Hill tried to pat and kiss a police drug dog.
Bad Move: Robber Calls Police Himself
A man who was busy robbing his elderly victim Saturday became so upset when a bystander tried to break up the crime by punching him in the face that he called police to report an assault.
Porn-Watching Trucker Blamed For Fatal Crash
So let me get this straight. State Police say the truck driver whose rig hit a disabled car on the Thruway, killing a woman... WAS WATCHING PORN. While driving a huge truck that can't stop or swerve quickly.
"Man You Don't Know How Much Weed I Smoke"
A man pulled over for failing to maintain a single lane and for speeding was arrested after telling police he had $2,000 worth of "weed" in his trunk.
"4 Idiots" Found Sleeping In Car After Burglary
Four Miami-area men were arrested Tuesday after they broke into a Stuart business and stole nearly $10,000 worth of equipment, including 22 chainsaws, according to the Martin County Sheriff's Office.
Police Catch Peeping Tom At Peep Show
The mind boggles at this one: A guy trying to sneak in the dressing room of nude performers. What did he expect to see?
Brad Buys Bachelor Pad (Complete With Its Own Cave) To "Get Over Split From Angelina"
Brad Pitt has secretly purchased a bachelor pad to help him sort out his split from Angelina Jolie, it was reported yesterday.
Airport Smuggling: The Weird And Wacky
Drugs aren't the only things people try to smuggle through airports.
Randy Rostock Burglar Steals Pinup Girl Calendars
A burglar breaking into a workshop outside of Rostock chose not to steal the construction company's expensive equipment opting instead for calendars of scantily clad women.
Burglary Suspect's Getaway In Pedal Boat Sinks, Deputies Say
By pedal boat and bicycle, a fleeing burglar clad only in boxer shorts couldn't get away quite fast enough, authorities say.
Police: Man Coughs Up Ring He Tried To Steal
Police in Missouri say a man accused of stealing a ring coughed up the evidence while officers were questioning him.
Police Seek Naked Diving Escapee
Whakatane police have warned people not to approach a near-naked prisoner who gave them the slip spectacularly today.
Beanz Meanz Highz
A haul of drugs and mobile phones was intercepted being smuggled into a top-security jail - hidden inside food cans.The baked beans and soup tins contained contraband which would be worth thousands of pounds inside HMP Frankland - which houses Soham monster Ian Huntley.
Alleged Car Thief Found Playing "Grand Theft Auto"
Sheriff's deputies in central Florida found a suspected car thief playing the "Grand Theft Auto" video game, and they later charged him with just that.
Naked Woman Taken From Bank In Farmington
A naked woman made an eye-popping entrance at the Anchor Bank in Farmington this week, drawing emergency services.
Ohio Man Arrested On Charges Of Urinating On $600 Worth Of Steaks
Robert T. Jenkins, 21, of Canton, Ohio, was arrested at 1:30 a.m. local time on Friday morning, Lt. Linda Brown of the Canton Police Department told Fox8.com
Police: Woman Says She's Eating Powdered Donut, Turns Out To Be Cocaine
When officers pulled a 21-year-old Knoxville woman over on Airport Highway in Alcoa early Thursday, she allegedly told officers it was a powdered donut she was eating when they came to the window.
Beauty-Store Heist Suspects Visit Station, One Arrested
Two women suspected of robbing a beauty supply store showed up at the DeLand police station wanting to know why they were shown on news reports, a sheriff's spokesman said Tuesday night.
