Funny Police Stuff
Police Jokes and funny stories:
How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs? None. He fell.
"No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
Reasons why you shouldn't be a cop:
You need at least 8 hours of sleep every night.
Sirens give you a headache.
You can't drive really fast, check a license plate on your in-car computer, talk on the radio, and drink coffee, all at the same time.
When you see trouble brewing, your first reaction is to call 911.
When you get nervous, you have to pee, so you secretly wear adult diapers, just in case it's going to be a busy night.
You're being called for back-up, but you don't go because it's too dangerous.
At the scene of a riot, you refuse to get out of the car until the crowd thins out.
A woman gives birth in the street and you give her a ticket for littering.
You think frisking people and giving "mouth to mouth" to someone of your own gender is politically incorrect.
You're a bleeder and you faint at the sight of a paper cut.
Clumsy Crooks - Blumbling Badies Caught In The Act
Grave Diggers Use Skull As Bong
A group of teenagers have dug up a secluded grave, removed the skull of a boy from the coffin and converted it into a marijuana bong.
Robber Stashed Cash Up Bum
The man who robbed the BNZ Cromwell branch bank on April 3 was found with the cash hidden up his anus, Judge Alistair Garland heard in the Alexandra District Court yesterday.
Man Steals Cash, Gun and Clerk's Shorts
Palatka police are looking for a man who robbed a store clerk of his shorts.
Naked Stranger On Toilet Asks To "Finish Business" Before Arrest
Lisa Bess could not figure out why the front door to her home on West Silver Springs Boulevard was locked and the key was missing Tuesday afternoon.
4th Amendment Holds In A Case Of Mooning, Alcohol
A judge threw out a drunken-driving charge in a case that involved bare bottoms and a defiant step on the gas.
Convicted Felon Spent $3.2 Million In 3 Months
They're still shaking their heads over how 39-year old James Hartman spent $ 3.2 million on vehicles, cars and land in three months.
Teen Driver Scatters Crowd At Baseball Game
A teenager is under arrest near Boston after he recklessly drove a car through high school athletic fields, causing people to run in fear for their lives, police said.
Dallas Police Capture Car With ATM Inside
Dallas police officers stopped a car with an ATM in back in Deep Ellum early Tuesday morning and arrested a suspect.
Woman Sees Mirror On Fittingroom Floor
A woman told police that a man slid a mirror underneath a fitting-room door at a Columbia department store to look at her while she was trying on a dress.
Whizzinator Backfires For Man On Probation
One man let too much hang out during a trip to the bathroom.
Pa. Women Robbed Of Purses Show Police Suspect's Photo
Police had no trouble tracking down a suspect in the robbery of three women at a Bucks County convenience store, because the women had taken the man's picture a short time earlier at a bar.
Firms Handed "Guard" The Cash
On a December morning, a man in a Dunbar Armored uniform told employees at a Bank of America branch in Ellicott City that he had come for a routine pickup.
Man Stuck In Roof Of Mandarin Restaurant
Firefighters had to free a man who got stuck while climbing in through the roof of a Mexican food restaurant in Mandarin.
Police Arrest Naked Hostage-Taker In Illinois
Police in Rockford, Illinois, have arrested a 32-year-old naked man who allegedly took a woman hostage and threw furniture out an apartment window during a standoff with authorities.
Employee Accused Of Installing Bathroom Cam
A doughnut shop worker installed a surveillance camera in the women's bathroom at work and watched the footage from a computer in his car, police said Sunday.
Police: Motorcyclist Flipped Bird, Popped Wheelie, Crashed
A Long Island man who flipped his finger at a police cruiser and then popped a wheelie on his motorcycle is recovering from injuries after crashing.
Police: Teen Accused Of Trying To Rob Undercover Officers
A Westchester County teenager is facing a long list of charges after allegedly trying to rob two men and finding out they were undercover police officers.
Cops Trap Man In Lie When He Identifies Himself As Felon
A man who lied to police to hide his unpaid traffic citations almost got himself into far more serious trouble.
Jeff's News Nuggets: Parrots, Criminals & Jello
You can put these next two stories in the stupid criminal file.
Girl, 12, Arrested For Burning Boy With Lighter
A 12-year-old girl was arrested for battery after she burned a boy at the W.E. Combs School, according to the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office.
Disorder Man Was "Fed-Up With Police - Court
A drunk mechanic with 73 previous convictions swore at police because he said he was sick of them harassing him.
Thieves Caught Stealing From Collection Plate
When 2 thieves walked into the Saint Leo the Great Catholic Church, the crime they committed was seen from above, caught on ceiling mounted surveillance cameras.
Accused Killer Sentenced For Break-Ins
The suspect in a Calgary murder pleaded guilty yesterday to breaking into two businesses, defecating in one and leaving a used condom in the other.
Kinky Boots Fetishist Stalks Workmen
A former shop assistant harassed random workmen for three years in Britain's most bizarre stalking case.
Burglar Passes Out In Bed
It's a textbook case of how so many suspects are getting off easy -- even when it seems like there's plenty of evidence against them.